This probably doesn’t surprise any of you who have been in a fairly long-term relationship. I am truly, deeply, madly in love with my husband. But, this is the same person who can make me want to pull all my hair out and then all his hair out too! Let me explain…
I am needy. I admit this readily enough because it’s true. I require a lot of my husband’s time and attention. He, however, feels the same way so it works out pretty well. We love spending time together and do most things together. He does have his buddies with whom he’ll occasionally play golf or go deep sea fishing and I have my girlfriends with whom I’ll go shoot (an actual gun), shoot (pictures this time), or scrapbook so it’s not like we don’t have anyone else in our lives. It’s that I would rather spend my time with him than most other people and vice versa.
Where we differ though is I am physically needy. I’m not a touchy-feely kind of gal in general. I’m not “huggy” or very affectionate towards other people and I don’t particularly like for people to touch me. I think because I hardly touch anyone else, I need my husband to touch me a lot. I’m not talking about sexually (although I don’t mind that), I mean the little things like holding my hand, sitting with his arm around me, putting his hand on the small of my back when we walk – the little things. Hubby DOESN’T GET IT. We kiss and stuff all the time because I’m always the one to initiate it. I honestly think if it were totally up to him, we would kiss hello and goodbye each time we see each other and he wouldn’t touch me again until we had sex. It makes me crazy. One of the only times I really get to touch him is when we go to sleep. He usually lies sort of on his stomach and I snuggle up behind him. He doesn’t actually snuggle with me as he just allows me to snuggle with him. It’s sort of a compromise and I get my skin-to-skin “fix” so I settle for it.
So, here’s what happened last night. I walk into the bedroom to go to sleep and he’s sitting there on the bed with another sheet and blanket just for him – ??? He says I steal the covers at night and he has to lay there cold so his solution for that was we each get our own blanket and sheet. How in the hell am I supposed to snuggle with him when he’s wrapped up like a cocoon? I need that skin to skin contact. One of the only times I get to touch him and he’s snatched that away too. I’ll admit – it pissed me off. He knew it pissed me off and was asking why. Of course it’s too easy just to tell him outright (then he wouldn’t learn the lesson) so I asked him, “Do you know why I like to have sex so often”? He said all the easy answers – you love me, I’m a great lover (yes, he actually said that to me), blah, blah, blah. I told him he needed to think about it because the answer was important, and went to sleep.
This morning I get up and he comes over to me and kisses me. I asked him if he knew the answer and he said he would rather I just tell him. I said no – it was important that he learn this because I’ve whined about it before. So, before I was about to leave the house he stepped in front of the door and said I wasn’t leaving until we settled this. He said I liked to have sex so often because I liked to be close to him. He was pretty darn close so I caved and told him. One of the very few times we actually get to touch, aside from sex, and he had taken that away too. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bedroom and said, “Look”. The extra blanket and sheet were gone. He may not have come around to the exact reason why I wanted them gone but he got the point. I told him – I need him to touch me other than sex. He said he forgets and men and women think differently and have different needs but he will try to remember and do better. How can you NOT love a man like that?