I was watching Oprah yesterday who’s entire show was about myths and untruths about marriage that no one ever tells you and most people don’t know until after they’re married.
The show had Lance Armstrong’s ex-wife, Kristen, who has written a big article in Glamour magazine. She doesn’t blame the downfall of her marriage on Lance. She says that she compromised in her marriage under the belief that a good wife does certain things and she lost sight of who she truly was. She lost herself and soon, she was no longer the woman she had been nor was she the woman Lance had married. Kristen said she made a sarcastic remark one day that she wasn’t opinionated and Lance gave her this crazy look because he didn’t see her as that way and that was an epiphany for her. She had lost her own opinions about most things because her focus was on her family, children, and spouse and she was no longer an individual.
Oprah said that was the reason she never got married – she didn’t want to lose her own identity; her sense of self.
Dr. Robin Smith was also on the show because she’s written a book entitled Lies at the Altar. She said “cold feet” shouldn’t be dismissed – it’s your inner voice trying to tell you something. She said she never congratulates someone who’s recently engaged or asks when the wedding is or the other typical questions. She says she always asks the person, “How do you feel about that?” She said there are 275 questions in her book that people who are engaged, dating, or already married should ask each other. The questions are a little random like, “How do you feel about people dropping by the house unannounced?”. She said the questions are stuff you assume you know but never talk about and once you’re married you’re amazed when you’re wrong.
So, it got me to thinking, do you feel like you lose yourself once you get married? Personally? I don’t. I think it’s important to keep your opions and your purpose and your “truths” because once you start to compromise those things you can get lost but I don’t think it always happens. I think people who never take time out for themselves or never voice their opinion can certainly lose their individuality once they become a spouse but it doesn’t have to be like that. I also don’t agree with the title of her book. I don’t think people intentionally lie at the altar as a general rule. Yes, I’m sure some people get “the gitters” or “cold feet” or whatever you want to call it but I don’t think there are that many people who actually are standing at the altar knowing that they’re making a mistake but go through with it anyway. I think people want to believe the best scenario will happen and are holding out hope that love will conquer all. That was one of the big messages of the show – love is not enough.
What do you guys think?