There’s an article in the September issue of Marie Claire (which really came out at the beginning of August – how stupid is that??) entitled The Starter Marriage. It discusses the changing mentality of today’s twenty-somethings toward marriage and divorce. The first woman in the article is Andi who was married less than a year (although she moved out several months before) who told her hubby that she just couldn’t “commit” to their marriage. The thing that struck me as odd about this statement is that – they were ALREADY married!!! She said she never would have done it if she didn’t know that she could get out of it. What was the catalyst to make her decide for sure to divorce? Her husband was talking about wanting children. She said she thought todays marriages were more like yesterday’s engagements and actually having children today is equivalent to the significance of getting married in previous societies.
What is wrong with these people?!?! No wonder people talk about the divorce rate being 50% (which everyone banters about but I’d like to see the real statistics such as how many people marry 3, 4 and 5 times that bring that average up to what it is?). Anyway, I simply don’t understand how someone can make the commitment to marry if they aren’t for sure they can spend the rest of their life with that person. There are religious reasons I believe that but even put that aside, you make a VOW in front of God, your peers, and your family to love honor and cherish this person for the rest of your lives! How can you not take that seriously? If you’re having doubts – don’t get married. There’s no time limit on getting married. You can date for a decade nowadays and nobody thinks of it as weird so why get married if you aren’t sure?
Some of you may think this is very weird coming from someone who is divorced. For those that don’t know, I was married a very long time ago (17 years to be exact) and at the time, I was 17 years old, had stars in my eyes and thought I was truly in love. I didn’t have second thoughts, but apparently he did but he went through with it anyway. One year later, my Ex said he didn’t want a family or to be married. I was devastated. I fought him for 4 months to work on our marriage but he didn’t want to. Finally, I came to realize that you can’t make someone love you so I moved out. BEST thing I ever did. I can’t imagine how horrible my life would be now if he hadn’t done that. I never would have brought up divorce – it never crossed my mind. I would have stayed in that marriage for the long-haul – and probably have been miserable. Age has brought wisdom and the realization that he was an underacheiver and I could do WAY better – and did. I’ve been happily married for almost 10 years and still – no thoughts of divorce.
The problem was I think he knew he was making a mistake when he did it. WHY do it then? I just don’t understand. Marriage is truly a covenent you make with another person. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly or for convenience or any other reason.