Tuesday Truth #11 – I harbor illogical guilt


When I was about 10 years old and my little brother was about 5, we stayed during the summer at a “Playcamp,” which was basically a program in the city’s recreation center for kids to hang around while their parents were at work. We played outside (inside if it was raining), went to the pool next door and did crafts. Actually, I learned a recipe there that my mother and I still use today.*

Because we were beside the pool, random life guards would come over and hang out with the teen leaders of the camp. One day, a guy came over who looked like he walked straight out of a movie…the mysterious man that all the women swoon over. He was tan with probably chin-length, dark blonde, wavy hair. The man of my 10 year old dreams! We were playing Red Rover, and thank the heavens, I was in the precise spot in line to hold hands with the sexy lifeguard. I didn’t care that I was nervous and held his hand funny, prompting him to say, “You don’t know how to hold hands.” It didn’t matter, as long as our skin was touching!

It came my brother’s turn, and he was looking at me with the cutest little grin on his face. He was going to run straight for his big sister! “Red Rover, Red Rover, send Matthew right over!” Here he comes, running at me just smiling all the way.

When he reached us, I had a grip going with this lifeguard that Rocky himself couldn’t have broken. My poor little brother’s body was basically forced into a “C” shape as his belly was clotheslined on our arms. It knocked the wind out of him but hurt his feelings more than anything. He walked away and sat off to himself with his little head down, crying. Gosh, I get a little misty just typing this!

I let him down that day, and now, over 20 years later, I still feel guilty. So this is today’s truth, that I hurt my cute, sweet little brother’s feelings that day for some stupid guy that had absolutely no interest in me. And what’s funny is that Matthew doesn’t even remember it!


*Peanut Butter Cornflake Squares

1 cup white sugar
1 cup white Karo syrup
1 cup peanut butter
6 cups cornflakes

Put the sugar and syrup in a saucepan, and warm until the sugar has dissolved and mixture is boiling lightly. Mix in the peanut butter. Pour the cornflakes in a buttered casserole dish. Pour syrup mixture over cornflakes and gently mix until all the cornflakes are coated. Pat the mixture flat and let cool. Cut into squares and serve!

2 responses »

  1. You really are racked with guilt over this aren’t you??? You told me this story before and, as I was reading it, I was thinking he probably doesn’t even remember it! Kelli – if that’s the worst thing over which you have guilt – you are a saint! Get over it. ((hugs)))! Jennifer

  2. It’s sweet! I used to beat the absolute crap out of my brother yet I don’t quite have the guilt that you do. Nothing a little CBT can’t help. 🙂 So, where is this lifeguard now, anyway?

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